the fight

I thought about my father today,and about the times he was cruel to my mother. I must have been 9 or 10 when I saw her on the kitchen floor and he was kicking her.

(I pause, and cry  still ),after 53 years.  I think I screamed, and if I didn’t then i know i did when i heard him strangling her another time on the bed upstairs.  My brother , who was five years older said “stop faking”.to me.  My oldest sister who was probably 18 at the time took me and my sister out for ice cream.  I wasn’t faking, he was mean.

I just thought to myself before, I hated him, but I don’t really think I did. He just taught me early how mean men can be sometimes, men that you love and want to love.  Men that are supposed to be your protector, who can be nice sometimes, but sometimes turn into some nasty monster.  I kept so much inside,  a few years later I learned  to bury the pain.  I took drugs I found in my mothers purse, “mother’s little helpers ” in those days the Dr’s gave them out freely.  Also handfuls of Vanquish painkiller, they numbed me. Maybe also started the ulcerous gut I now have. Today I thought of these memories again after a screaming fight with my DH.  Words spewed out of my mouth because i was at that point of fear again and I don’t feel like taking this anymore.  Where it came from, i don’t know?  I am always filled with second thoughts about what I said.  I told him he is sometimes verbally abusive, I know he will throw that up at me again, soon.  Maybe it’s always not what you say but how you say it, because that’s what got me so angry.  He was my father again, that scary, angry, much stronger man who I feared.

He said I said things too, of course I did; but it always comes to words getting twisted and turned into something so crazy sometimes that they make absolutely no sense.

I need to stop now because this is so different than my usual post and my throat hurts and my heart hurts  but I thank you for listening.  I am so much calmer when I write.



  1. I am so sorry.

  2. Yes, get it out of your head so that you remain healthy!

  3. Thanks DeDivah!

  4. I can relate to this post. I am sorry you had to go through this. I truly am. I am happy you have discovered that writing can help put you at ease.

  5. Thank you, these memories are usually buried in a deep place, only to resurface when an
    argument triggers them, or at least this one did. I appreciate your kind words.

  6. I am sorry. 😦 Physical wounds heal. Verbal abuse is never forgotten. Keep writing to find your calm of release. Let it out, don’t hold onto the hurt, and anger. God bless you.

    • Thank you ,I know you understand. I am writing more than I ever have, good or bad, and I love it!
      Blessings to you too 🙂

      • Happy blogging!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Leigh's Life Lessons

I write to find my answers, to search my soul, to make my life more meaningful.


A blog by Dr. Abhinav Majumder


Faith. Fitness. Food.


A great site



The Breton Bird

Fashion. Beauty. Lifestyle

Simply Cornish

Celebrating Life One Day at a Time

Mithai Mumblezz

Thinks and again mumbles!!

Logical Quotes

60's flowerchild,herbalist,dreamer, seeker of truth,activist,crone,someone's lover

musings from a musical mind

60's flowerchild,herbalist,dreamer, seeker of truth,activist,crone,someone's lover

Natalie Breuer

Natalie. Writer. Photographer. Etc.

A Word about Me

by Hina Khan Palwasha


Pencil sketches and colors of life in line drawing with inspirational poetry

storytime katie

one librarian's journey into storytimeland

Reject Reality

The world as I see it, according to myself.

The Last Of The Millenniums

Just because it always has been, doesn't mean it always will be

Of life she writes.

A girl's journey to finding herself.


Addiction, Mental Health, Stigma, Spirituality

Eléctrica in the Desert

News, photos, stories, and trouble from the borderland


My journey - The good, bad and the ugly

The Fifth Column

"News and views from around the world"

long story, short

home of 'for good measure' and other visits

A Day In The Life

People, Places, Nature, LIFE!

Art in the Catskills

by Simona David

Elan Mudrow


Helpful articles to improve your own nature and landscape photography explorations. You will also see stunning landscape and nature photographs created by award winning landscape and nature photographer Melissa Fague.

Awais Khan

Lost souls and arranged words


Its all about me that I you all can let me know


Poetry and Stories by Zach Jackson

Thoughts of the Fallen

A collection of nonsensical words thrown together

sheila sea

like thalassic velvet


Smile! You’re at the best site ever


The Cricket Pages

No Milk Today

Allergy or Food Intolerance: Delicious Dairy-Free Recipes, DIY & more :)

Daniel Pátaro

exploração e fotografia

Iona the Iconic

Poetry Blog - Your daily dose of angst

KAYOGA Brescia

A.S.D Affiliata C.S.A.In Ente di promozione sportiva riconosciuto dal coni


Pulakesh Upadhyaya's personal blog.

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

Chitra's Healthy Kitchen

Recipes for healthy living

DoubleU = W


Diane Ravitch's blog

A site to discuss better education for all

OK, Fine.

reasonably liberal.