IMGP5956Each year that Father’s day rolls around I rack my brain for happy memories. Like when my dad was happy, or we were happy as a family. Christmas was one such happy memory.  Dad loved Christmas.  He would set up a speaker outside and play Christmas songs from his tape player through the neighborhood. Something that he might have trouble doing today,but that was the 50’s and 60’s and things were different.  We had a house with a cathedral ceiling so every year he would get a 12′ or 15′ tree.  I would help him untangle lights. We would all stand on the balcony when the Christmas balls and the many lights were on and drop the tinsel down onto the tree. He would have music playing, a beer and cigarette nearby and he was happy.

In the summer we would go to the beach. That made Dad happy, although he would cover himself  almost completely so not to burn. We were four kids piled into a sedan, no seatbelts then.  It was crowded but I don’t think we complained.  No complaining was allowed and that was pretty much the only family trip, so not worth taking any chances.   By the time I was 10 there were only three of us anyhow, my oldest sister went off to college.

Within the next two years many things changed in the family.  Those are the times i have really buried.  Now I only remember pieces of his life,and my life with him. I found myself  forced to try and understand who he was and why he was the way he was  just when I was in puberty and trying to figure out who i was.

I don’t think he was happy.  My parents fought alot, he had an affair, too many other things to tell.    Although now that I have passed the age that he was when he died I can see him through such different eyes. What a fight it is for some of us to be a parent  and a good one at that. So many of us are caught up in our own lives, own patterns and our own baggage.  I don’t think he ever let go of any of it

He used to like to say “anyone can make a baby” or “you have three choices in life; to adjust, go crazy, or die”.  When I was very young  I  quoted him; thinking he was the smartest, best looking, most talented Dad ever.  He was really just a person.

I also wonder, if he hadn’t died at 55 when i was 22, would we have finally been able to have a different relationship?  The last thing he did for me was put up this really cute yellow print wallpaper for my baby to come.  It was so much like when we did the tree together, and all those crazy years in between had been forgotten.  I will never know.

As a parent myself, i have made mistakes, and gave up on trying to be perfect along time ago. No one is or can be perfect. I know i loved my dad, i know i wasn’t really sure if he loved me and that’s why i say it all the time to my kids.  I also know I hold a part of him inside of  me that has made me the woman i am today and i thank him for that .  He also had a beautiful voice and loved to sing. Thanks for that too, Dad.

Happy Father’s Day



  1. How uplifting in a moving post. You are so optimistic, and I had to tell you how wonderful you are for being positive in a sad situation.

  2. Hi and thank you so much for your like and comment. I have been working on forgiveness and it has changed my life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Leigh's Life Lessons

I write to find my answers, to search my soul, to make my life more meaningful.


A blog by Dr. Abhinav Majumder


Faith. Fitness. Food.


A great site



The Breton Bird

Fashion. Beauty. Lifestyle

Simply Cornish

Celebrating Life One Day at a Time

Mithai Mumblezz

Thinks and again mumbles!!

Logical Quotes

60's flowerchild,herbalist,dreamer, seeker of truth,activist,crone,someone's lover

musings from a musical mind

60's flowerchild,herbalist,dreamer, seeker of truth,activist,crone,someone's lover

Natalie Breuer

Natalie. Writer. Photographer. Etc.

A Word about Me

by Hina Khan Palwasha


Pencil sketches and colors of life in line drawing with inspirational poetry

storytime katie

one librarian's journey into storytimeland

Reject Reality

The world as I see it, according to myself.

The Last Of The Millenniums

Just because it always has been, doesn't mean it always will be

Of life she writes.

A girl's journey to finding herself.


Addiction, Mental Health, Stigma, Spirituality

Eléctrica in the Desert

News, photos, stories, and trouble from the borderland


My journey - The good, bad and the ugly

The Fifth Column

"News and views from around the world"

long story, short

home of 'for good measure' and other visits

A Day In The Life

People, Places, Nature, LIFE!

Art in the Catskills

by Simona David

Elan Mudrow


Helpful articles to improve your own nature and landscape photography explorations. You will also see stunning landscape and nature photographs created by award winning landscape and nature photographer Melissa Fague.

Awais Khan

Lost souls and arranged words


Its all about me that I you all can let me know


Poetry and Stories by Zach Jackson

Thoughts of the Fallen

A collection of nonsensical words thrown together

sheila sea

like thalassic velvet


Smile! You’re at the best site ever


The Cricket Pages

No Milk Today

Allergy or Food Intolerance: Delicious Dairy-Free Recipes, DIY & more :)

Daniel Pátaro

exploração e fotografia

Iona the Iconic

Poetry Blog - Your daily dose of angst

KAYOGA Brescia

A.S.D Affiliata C.S.A.In Ente di promozione sportiva riconosciuto dal coni


Pulakesh Upadhyaya's personal blog.

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

fresh hell trumps stale heaven

Chitra's Healthy Kitchen

Recipes for healthy living

DoubleU = W


Diane Ravitch's blog

A site to discuss better education for all

OK, Fine.

reasonably liberal.