I am curious what the definition of “real abuse” is?  I shared something with a friend today, also in her 60’s. I shared how my brother had abused me, when i was in my early teens, and my one sister too. Most of it is vague memories, i know much is buried. It’s a defense mechanism.  It is probably early old age too, if there is such a term. 😉 

She then shared that an uncle had touched her breasts, and a boy walking by her, in her neighborhood back in the 1950’s. “He walked by, grabbed my breasts and then continued walking and laughing all the way”.What in the name of God gave him that right, or made him ever think he had that right? What ever made my brother think he had that right? 

I’m sorry, but i feel my friend has it all wrong, noone has a right,and it is and was all very “real”.

 She also went on to speculate how terrible it must be to really be abused, i.e., raped.

Now i’m not saying that being raped isn’t more horrific,and i thank God that i have never been subjected to that horror. But, isn’t it all bad, isn’t it all real? Does saying something isn’t real make it so? The ultimate defense mechanism,denial,downplay,disbelief.

I think when a someone is abused, in any form, it sucks part of their life from them.

They see the world and their place in it differently. Who they thought they were, they are no more.  They may not ever get that spirit that lived within them back again.

A missing piece, their abuser took from them had changed everything.

i know it changed me

and No i didn’t like it, by the way.




  1. I totally agree, any abuse is real abuse! If someone does something that you don’t want, it’s abusing. And it hurts, a lot. It can break you.
    Lots of love,

  2. Betrayal of the kind you experienced does change you, and not for the better. And definitely one defense is to minimize the pain of what happened. Objectively speaking, child sexual abuse involving penetration is generally more traumatic. Having something inside you without your consent simply does represent a greater loss of control and safety. But this does not mean what you suffered was not “real abuse.” It is all “real abuse.” Take care.

  3. Thank you for your insight Ashana. Perhaps one day i will share more of my story,there is alot more to be told.

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